Perle De Willa

..

I spent the night eating sushi. With my dad. And then we went to Borders. I felt good because I was spending money. Spending money makes me feel sickly good.

oh for f***'s sake is right, mom.

I just have to vent—

I honestly hate high school. I thought it was like a dream come true or something when I got into art school but I hate it. Everything about it reeks. I can’t even really find one thing I like about it except that Maryland’s academic teachers are all really nice. I want out. Now.

exogenesis.

I am finally growing up. And no, I don’t mean getting a better-paying job and getting out of school and living on my own. What I mean by “growing up” is much bigger than actually being responsible. (Ha.) What I mean by growing up is… I, Willa, after 5 years of having these stupid things on… AM GETTING MY BRACES OFF. Be jealous bitches.

a little bit stronger, a little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me.

I’ve felt so uninspired lately. Isn’t art school supposed to… I don’t know… Isn’t it supposed to spark some kind of… Spirit?

like endless rain into a paper cup...

The world is beautiful at this time of the night. When darkness first starts to take over, and shadows fall over everything. The night is lonely, but the stars keep me company overhead…

the stairways up to la butte can make the wretched sigh.

I’m falling down again and again… As I try to get up, another blow and another. I can’t stand on my own two feet sometimes.

i've got a pretty face, i guess that i can sing alright.

I’ve never been so aggravated [hormonal] in my life. High school frustrates me- especially this one in particular. I think it’s all the different tension in the air - politically, sexually, and just…. the tension that being in high schools brings with it. As freshman we’re awkward enough without all the bitching at each other and bringing each other down. I just don’t understand why we can’t all work together. As an art school, we as students are all working towards the same goal - to be the best we can be artistically and just as people. You’d think we’d all be willing to help each other towards that goal, but instead we all just… completely hate each other. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY???!!!

how could i have burned paradise?

Wow… It’s been forever since I’ve blogged. So much has happened. I started school on Wednesday… It’s really great :) It’s the first time I’m really excited about this school year. I’m going to an art school and I’m majoring in musical theater. It’s going to be a lot of work… I can already tell that, but it’s worth it…

want to vanish inside your kiss.

This summer has seemed such a waste at times. I feel so alone, and yet I know that I have the entire world at my bidding. I stay up til two in the morning watching the light fade and the stars come out of hiding. I sing and I dance out in the field while the world sleeps. Sometimes I have no one but myself… But I still have everything. I’ve felt soo alone lately, which doesn’t make any sense, because I have everyone that I need here still. Life can be so confusing.

with a taste of poison paradise, i'm addicted to you.

use me, use me

bleed me dry

you’ve left me

you’ve burnt me, branded me

into this animal.

abuse me, please.

i’m down on my knees

let me be your slave, your toy

this is what i’m living for.

tie me up,

tie me down.

do what you want to me,

as long as you’re satisfied.

bacon lube makes him think of my family.

I feel so incapable of loving anything ever again. I’ve been hurt so many times now that I just can’t find it in myself to trust anyone. So many things have happened to me in the past few years, good and bad. But I’ve become one of those people who can only think of the bad, and who has so much regret building up inside. It’s horrible to be so young and so… jaded already. What I hate is that when I’m doing good… I end up messing up and making everything bad again. I just have a way of doing that lately.

I wish that I could just rely on myself to make things better… But now that everyone has left me, I realize that that’s impossible for me. What has happened to me??

breaking hearts has never looked so cool.

*I’ve read about the afterlife but I’ve never really lived.*

I have a recipe for a chocolate cake that my mom’s friend said will “seduce any man,” but all I want tonight is a recipe for breaking hearts.

i hurt myself today, to see if i still feel.

(I focus on the pain. The only thing that’s real.)

There are things worth waiting for, and things worth holding onto. But all I’ve found are things worth forgetting.. People and places pass by me and past my fingertips. I find myself running from the only things that can help me.. Pushing them away until there’s nothing left of them or me. It’s often that I exclaim how I can’t be happy for more than a few moments. But I’m not even worthy of that feeling… I’ve brought the weight of the world on my shoulders all by myself.

...that's why i was surprised when she told me she was fully lesbian...

I think it’s funny when people (boys especially) think that we haven’t figured them out yet.

city of delusion

Why are we so scared of loving or of caring for people? When the world seems to be falling apart at the seams sometimes… You’d think it would be all we could do.